I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
