I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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