Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
