i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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