the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
