"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize