If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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