she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
