I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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