U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
