Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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