I wannas sexs uuuuu
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
