Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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