I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
