Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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