we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
