when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
