I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
