Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
