Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
