What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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