i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize