Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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