God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
