She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
