Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
