There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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