i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
