Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
