You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
