I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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