Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
