hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
