i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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