I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
