Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
