Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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