I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
