Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
