My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
