Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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