Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
