I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
