what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
