So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
