dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
