dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
