Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
