i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
