it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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