ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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