this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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