dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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