Say something about gay babies.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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