there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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