btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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