Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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