You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
