2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
