Farmville is her only friend.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
two words...techno handjob
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
