She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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