remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
