she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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