It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
