There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
