I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She told me I should be a condom model.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
