Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
