rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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