peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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