I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
