Fine. I'll sleep in my office
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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