Just fell off a train. Bad.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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