His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You need Xanax blowdarts
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
