Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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