8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she smelled like a LAN party
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
