Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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