Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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