dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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