ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
