The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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