Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
