That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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